| I feel it everyday it's all the same It brings me down but I'm the one to blame I've tried everything to get away So here I go again Chasing you down again Why do I do this?
Over and over, over and over I fall for you Over and over, over and over I try not to
It feels like everyday stays the same It's dragging me down and I can't pull away So here I go again Chasing you down again Why do I do this?
Over and over, over and over I fall for you Over and over, over and over I try not to Over and over, over and over You make me fall for you Over and over, over and over You don't even try
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead I know what's best for me But I want you instead I'll keep on wasting all my time
Over and over, over and over I fall for you Over and over, over and over I try not to Over and over, over and over You make me fall for you Over and over, over and over You don't even try |
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| W.H. Auden.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead, Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. He was my North, my South, my East and West, My working week and my Sunday rest, My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong. The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun; Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood. For nothing now can ever come to any good. |
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| I am absolutely in love with this:
Tears flow as though attempting
To flush out the pain and
To drown the sorrows felt
Night brings dark recollections Reflections upon decisions past
That slow the heart to an ache
Locations that stir old memories Occasions that lack a presence
A void that will remain unfilled
An instant, a vision stuck on repeat
A loss that was felt world wide
The reality that can not be accepted
A forgiveness that wont come
This weight that doesnt let up
Silence that consumes and breaks
A desired peace that is absent
--Matt Williams Sharp
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| Is this really my life?
I don't know why I feel so heartbroken.
I think it's the -idea- of love I am clinging to.
I will find it again some day.
[edit]
I haven't felt like this in so long.
Helpless.
If this is how I feel with meds, what would it be like without them?
I don't think I'd make it.
Dr., can we please up the meds?
I don't want to feel so miserable.
The memories flow into my mind when I don't expect them.
And it hurts to know it'll never be like it was.
Then Again- I remember this feeling all too well. From the days of being with him. I don't know if I was just at a bad point in my life, or if he helped to make it that way.
All I Know Is:
When it was just us, it felt so right. I can't imagine that he could have that with anyone else.
</3
I just really need to GET OVER IT and MOVE ON.
I shouldn't have to wrestle the need to call him on a daily basis.
IT'S OVER.
and yes, i do quite realize that dwelling is quite pathetic. But I can't help it. And no one reads this anyway.
[secretly, I always hope he does]
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| really, death sucks.
and losing people you love.
it's kind of too much to handle.
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